Now let's actually talk about these jeans and not in a can-I-be-a-brand-ambassador way because y’all know we’re here for much more than that.
I woke up on Saturday morning and fed my dogs at 7:30am with deep gratitude for a new day. I woke up feeling like myself after having sitting in a dark, all-encompassing kind of depression the night before. I moved through my day happy to feel at ease again but also mindful of what I was doing and how I could move forward to learn from and build on the deeply uncomfortable sensations I had felt the night before.
So I went to Target.
To try on some pants.
I grabbed three sizes of each style I liked, determined to find a pair that felt good—you know that buttery, easy feeling of sliding on your favorite pair of well-fitting pants? I wanted that — be it 6, 8, 10 or 12. I just wanted to find an outfit that, on a day where nothing else felt easy or good or bright or hopeful, that would clothe me and comfort me and make just one decision in the darkness a little easier.
There are so many parts of the food and body aspect of my life I haven't shared with you over the past three months because I've been more focused on showing other pieces of my life and giving myself space and time to fine-tune my thoughts on those things before opening the conversation full-face again. But here’s this:
Regardless of where you are in your food and body journey, the truth is that you currently exist in the body you exist in. THIS is your reality today. And that reality deserves some ease and comfort, even if you don't like everything about it. Holding on to and forcing yourself into the pants that don't really fit the same, for whatever reason, isn't going to help you get anywhere and its certainly not going to bring anything good to your current experience.
Of course there's a level of privilege to mention when talking about being about BUY something right when you need it but this doesn't always have to mean making a purchase. My point is this:
Regardless of your goals and what brought you to your current state, the you that you are today needs to be cared for.
Make a choice that makes things a little easier. It's okay to need things to be easy.