Hump Day Headspace: Did I need to submit a time-off request?
October 5, 2017
How are you?
Yeah, we're getting that informal today.
All afternoon, I've been feeling horrible about the fact that there's at least two of you who woke up and were disappointed by the lack of Tallulahish emails in your inbox. I know this because two of you have told me that you look forward to Wednesday emails which, frankly, is amazing.
Maybe there's more than two people who wait for these posts but I'm honestly fine with two because that's two more than I had less than a year ago when I launched this site. We're fast approaching Tallulahish's birthday (*cough* my birthday *cough*) and I'm going to take one, teeny moment to give myself kudos in that so far, I've stuck to every content goal I've set for myself, writing at least once, if not twice, a week for the last year.
And it has changed me for the better.
*oh shit. I just started crying on my keyboard. I was not prepared for this level of emotion*
Today is not the day for me to tell you about all of those changes, however. Today is not the day for me to re-share my proudest Tallulahish moments as much as a wish I could. I simply don't have the time or the energy.
You see, one of the many things that's changed over the past year is I've slowly but surely continued to take better care of myself, to be more honest with myself (and you, in the process), and, perhaps most importantly, realize to the importance of rest. For so long, I had abandoned the idea of rest entirely. While in the depths of my eating disorder, both physical and mental rest seemed impossible. Even when I was exhausted or sick, physically resting created so much anxiety and stress that it felt like it was more work than just pushing through the pain. So, to summarize, I never stopped to rest.
I had a rough week last week.
I was tired. I was in pain: both physical and mental.
So I took some time off physically, and it was amazing.
What I didn't realize is that I also needed a little time off emotionally. There are so many things I want to talk about and there's already three working drafts blinking at me ominously from notes app of my MacBook... but I still came up short. I couldn't get anything on the page last night or this morning or this afternoon. What I did instead was laugh at a TV show with my partner last night, plan three new cycle classes for my students this morning, and take my mom a coffee at work this afternoon.
So I'm sorry for taking today off.
...but I'm also not sorry. I'm not sorry because I needed to do those things and because, over the last year, I've learned to rest. It's taken longer than I want to admit to see that my physical and mental state are inseparable – everywhere (not just in the yoga studio). What I've learned in the last year is that all of me deserves work and all of me deserves rest.
I'll be back later this week. Probably sooner than we both think.
Did I need to submit an time-off request for this?