Our best and worst are not mutually exclusive, but they can be.
April 29, 2017
I went to bed at 10:00pm on Friday night. I was tired. My bones ached. My head was pounding. And I felt horribly guilty for going to bed.
I couldn’t let myself rest. I hadn't done enough. I lay there, fighting to keep my eyes open, scribbling the beginnings of this very post down in a notebook as my hand started slipping off the page and my body took over.
Humans love suffering, it’s our nature. Stop arguing with me behind that keyboard and just accept it, okay?
We listen to songs about heartache and addiction, watch movies about war and famine, and I mean tortured artists – dreamy, am I right?
We glorify being overworked and stressed out, as if there's some reward to see whose side hustle can exhaust them more. and even better? for less reward. Who wants to be paid what they actually deserve? Suffering makes us virtuous, and cool.
And while we can’t fight the fact that some great things are born out of struggle or require struggle to create, it can be an absolute mindf**k when you’re trying to take care of yourself and do meaningful work at the same time.
I can’t count the amount of times I’ve wondered if growing up, getting healthy and taking care of myself is ruining my writing, art, and my overall drive.
It’s making me boring.
It’s making me “okay.”
and “okay” is average.
And average is death.
But that’s not true. Okay is not average. Okay is deserved, and comfortable, and sustainable. We have to be able to sustain ourselves to grow and change. We can grow into our "bests" and still have time to create and dream like we did at our "worsts."
We do not have to suffer to be worthy.
Because while our best and worst might not be mutually exclusive, they can be.